Next week I leave for India. Still pretty nervous, that's a hellofa long way from home... I'm not worried about myself so much, really (except of course for being in a massive swarm of people, which I hate, and meeting new people, which I hate, and having to present to said people, which I hate...) but I will worry sick about my family, if anything happens it's not like I can get there anytime soon... I am really, really counting on my niece Cassie to come that weekend I'm gone and help out, I need to call them tonight and verify that...
Watching 'The Amazing Race' hasn't helped, or course, with my nervousness. Seems every season they visit India, and it looks like a crowded, dirty milling mass of humanity. That's a gross overgeneralization on my part, I know, and Bangalore isn't anything like much of urban India, most American-citizen Indian ex-patriates reside in Bangalore now. But still, it is definitely nothing like Europe, which is my only foreign experience so far.
I'm not a snob, really. I know as an American, I am unbelievably blessed and privledged beyond any imagining, and I am thankful for that. I also know there is much poverty in the world, and places that we, as Americans, would consider impoverished but that they don't consider as such.
I just really, really don't feel the inclination to immerse myself in it.
The reality is that I'm sure I will feel even more thankful for the privledges I have, once I return. But that doesn't erase the overall uneasiness.
In short, this sucks.
But it will be an experience. I'm sure Nathaniel (my boss) will think me a wuss for not wanting to really go anywhere over the weekend of our trip. I will most likely just want to huddle in my hotel room, catch up on sleep and watch movies and play games. Ya, I'm a geek like that.
I keep telling people, and they just don't believe me. Sometimes I really don't even like the concept of people.
I have a problem with crowds. I have a problem with personal space violation. Ya I know, whine whine, bitch and moan. Get over it, that's what a blog is for. No-one else would listen to me in person, right? So now you're stuck with me, unless you click off. So za.
On a last note. I know I tend to internalize things. I refuse to let my family know of my uneasiness, because I don't want them to worry, and they will have their own problems when I've gone. I don't want my co-workers to know my fear, because I don't want them to think less of me and I have to work with them, duh. And I don't want my boss to know my worries, because I'm trying to make a good impression.
So that leaves you, gentle readers, to bear witness to the fact that I am slowly becoming scared shitless over the prospect of this trip.
And just in case I've completely ruined what little opinion you had of me: Know what the worst part is?
No BF2 for two weeks.
Now THAT sucks.
Watching 'The Amazing Race' hasn't helped, or course, with my nervousness. Seems every season they visit India, and it looks like a crowded, dirty milling mass of humanity. That's a gross overgeneralization on my part, I know, and Bangalore isn't anything like much of urban India, most American-citizen Indian ex-patriates reside in Bangalore now. But still, it is definitely nothing like Europe, which is my only foreign experience so far.
I'm not a snob, really. I know as an American, I am unbelievably blessed and privledged beyond any imagining, and I am thankful for that. I also know there is much poverty in the world, and places that we, as Americans, would consider impoverished but that they don't consider as such.
I just really, really don't feel the inclination to immerse myself in it.
The reality is that I'm sure I will feel even more thankful for the privledges I have, once I return. But that doesn't erase the overall uneasiness.
In short, this sucks.
But it will be an experience. I'm sure Nathaniel (my boss) will think me a wuss for not wanting to really go anywhere over the weekend of our trip. I will most likely just want to huddle in my hotel room, catch up on sleep and watch movies and play games. Ya, I'm a geek like that.
I keep telling people, and they just don't believe me. Sometimes I really don't even like the concept of people.
I have a problem with crowds. I have a problem with personal space violation. Ya I know, whine whine, bitch and moan. Get over it, that's what a blog is for. No-one else would listen to me in person, right? So now you're stuck with me, unless you click off. So za.
On a last note. I know I tend to internalize things. I refuse to let my family know of my uneasiness, because I don't want them to worry, and they will have their own problems when I've gone. I don't want my co-workers to know my fear, because I don't want them to think less of me and I have to work with them, duh. And I don't want my boss to know my worries, because I'm trying to make a good impression.
So that leaves you, gentle readers, to bear witness to the fact that I am slowly becoming scared shitless over the prospect of this trip.
And just in case I've completely ruined what little opinion you had of me: Know what the worst part is?
No BF2 for two weeks.
Now THAT sucks.
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