So this weekend is the monthly LAN party for friends from work, usually about 6 of us at a time but Matt is coming back in town, if we have everyone at once we could have 8 playing at once - w00t!
What irks me somewhat is that I will have to once again play the guilt-trip game with my wife. For some reason she begrudges me this time doing what I want. Personally, I don't find this very fair. I don't go out with the "guys" or anything, I'm home every evening (especially those where she is teaching her cake class or doing Scottish Country dancing) and I was fully supportive of her cake conference awhile back. I know, she does the cakes not just because she enjoys it but because it is also a job for her. Again, I've always been supportive, not just in words but in my own time helping her, cleaning up, taking care of the kids...
But she seems to have always done this. Most likely unconsciously. Back in college, when I tried to get back into RPGs, she cut that short when I wanted to play the full weekend (it was a marathon of sorts). The year before we had all stayed up the entire weekend in the student union building, it was a blast. And whenever I tried to get together with friends to do any gaming, I'd feel guilty about being there and after phone calls from her I'd come home.
I know, wah wah stop yer complaining and stick up for yourself. Well, I've always wanted to do actual LAN parties. Always, since I entered my true computer geekhood about 8 years back. And now I got invited after working here for 3 years. That was such an uplifting feeling, of honor and respect that these people that I respected wanted me to be there. I'm not giving that up this time. The only two times I've done this, I got the same guilt trips -- small comments, little insinuations of displeasure, phone calls in the middle of play asking when I was coming home. But both times I ignored the guilt and enjoyed myself. Immensely. Yes it means less time with the family, but that is the sum of my life right now: Work and Family. I do love my family dearly, and cherish the time I spend with all three of my girls. Donna's breast cancer taught me to not take anything or anyone for granted.
But dammitall, I do need some time for myself. I don't get it at home, or at work really. And God knows with the family illnesses and with the uncertainty at work, I've been under some stress. So I feel I deserve this.
Now, the plan was originally for Monday. But Donna complained about that, it was family time on a holiday like Labor Day. So the other guys actually changed all their plans to accommodate me, and moved it to Sunday. Noon to whenever. I intend to stay till the wee hours fragging my little heart out.
Yes I should talk to her about how I feel, how monumentally unfair I think her attitude is. I've always been able to communicate with her on things, I don't like to keep things from her, but what if I'm the one blowing this out of proportion? Been known to happen. And I dislike confrontations. With great intensity.
Computers are a huge part of my life, who I am now. And though I am a hermit at heart (sometimes I really only like the concept of people, aside from my family) I do enjoy the opportunity to network on a social level with those of my mentality. Even if it involves sneaking up behind them with a shotgun in Far Cry and blowing a 12-inch hole in their back.
It's all good fun.
What irks me somewhat is that I will have to once again play the guilt-trip game with my wife. For some reason she begrudges me this time doing what I want. Personally, I don't find this very fair. I don't go out with the "guys" or anything, I'm home every evening (especially those where she is teaching her cake class or doing Scottish Country dancing) and I was fully supportive of her cake conference awhile back. I know, she does the cakes not just because she enjoys it but because it is also a job for her. Again, I've always been supportive, not just in words but in my own time helping her, cleaning up, taking care of the kids...
But she seems to have always done this. Most likely unconsciously. Back in college, when I tried to get back into RPGs, she cut that short when I wanted to play the full weekend (it was a marathon of sorts). The year before we had all stayed up the entire weekend in the student union building, it was a blast. And whenever I tried to get together with friends to do any gaming, I'd feel guilty about being there and after phone calls from her I'd come home.
I know, wah wah stop yer complaining and stick up for yourself. Well, I've always wanted to do actual LAN parties. Always, since I entered my true computer geekhood about 8 years back. And now I got invited after working here for 3 years. That was such an uplifting feeling, of honor and respect that these people that I respected wanted me to be there. I'm not giving that up this time. The only two times I've done this, I got the same guilt trips -- small comments, little insinuations of displeasure, phone calls in the middle of play asking when I was coming home. But both times I ignored the guilt and enjoyed myself. Immensely. Yes it means less time with the family, but that is the sum of my life right now: Work and Family. I do love my family dearly, and cherish the time I spend with all three of my girls. Donna's breast cancer taught me to not take anything or anyone for granted.
But dammitall, I do need some time for myself. I don't get it at home, or at work really. And God knows with the family illnesses and with the uncertainty at work, I've been under some stress. So I feel I deserve this.
Now, the plan was originally for Monday. But Donna complained about that, it was family time on a holiday like Labor Day. So the other guys actually changed all their plans to accommodate me, and moved it to Sunday. Noon to whenever. I intend to stay till the wee hours fragging my little heart out.
Yes I should talk to her about how I feel, how monumentally unfair I think her attitude is. I've always been able to communicate with her on things, I don't like to keep things from her, but what if I'm the one blowing this out of proportion? Been known to happen. And I dislike confrontations. With great intensity.
Computers are a huge part of my life, who I am now. And though I am a hermit at heart (sometimes I really only like the concept of people, aside from my family) I do enjoy the opportunity to network on a social level with those of my mentality. Even if it involves sneaking up behind them with a shotgun in Far Cry and blowing a 12-inch hole in their back.
It's all good fun.
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