All you ever really needed to learn about games you learned in your cube:
You never know where Life will hand you a valuable lesson. It could be that time Ferris Bueller ate pancreas. Maybe it was the Beastie Boys urging you to fight for your right to party. Or maybe it was Bart Simpson never getting suckered into doing any actual work. But when it comes to the world of MMOs, it's hard to beat Office Space:
Lesson 1:
“Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler.”
Staplers are important. That first green sword you got, that first phat purple drop: those things are hard to let go of. Sure, they end up cluttering your bank account, taking valuable space, useless. It's OK.
Lesson 2:
“I do want to express myself, okay. And I don't need 37 pieces of flair to do it.”
By all means, you should express yourself. But do you really need to dye all your Guild Wars armor black? I mean, sure, it's pretty. But maybe you could find something a little more constructive to do?
Lesson 3:
"Sounds like someone's got a case of the Mondays!"
There will be days when the grind is just too much to bear; when you know you should be out there working your Shaman up to 70, but you just... can't... face it. That's when you need to head to Chotchkies and get a cup of coffee. Go someplace that makes you feel happy. Maybe the auction house. Maybe an instance you've long since mastered. Maybe a little one-on-one Dark Age of Camelot dueling. Give up the grind for a day. Tuesday always comes.
Lesson 4:
“We're putting new cover sheets on all the TPS reports before they go out now. So if you could go ahead and try to remember to do that from now on, that'd be great. All right?”
Do not run a guild, or even be in charge of loot distribution on a little random pickup slaughter. If you fail to credit Thorgeir the Destroyer for last night's raid, you know you'll never hear the end of it.
Lesson 5:
“No, not again. I... why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to God, one of these days, I just kick this piece of &*^^%# out the window.”
Bad bugs happen to good people, but don't take it out on your computer. Explore some other pointless-yet-satisfying violent crime, like mime-punching.
Lesson 6:
"You haven't been showing up, and you get to keep your job!”
“Actually, I'm being promoted.”
Nerfs come with the territory, but it's a two way street. Sometimes your kick ass Paladin ends up filing paperwork. Other times, you take a week off and come back buffed-up and putting Conan to shame.
Lesson 7:
“We're gonna need to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage B. We have some new people coming in, and we need all the space we can get.”
You joined your server, way back when, because it's where all the cool kids hung out. You never dreamed you'd have to wait in line to play on a Friday night. Now you're sitting there, watching numbers count down, wondering if the raid will start without you. Either suck it up, or move to the basement. Start all over or pay for a server move.
Lesson 8:
“I'll take my traveler's checks to a competing resort. I could write a letter to your board of tourism and I could have this place condemned. I could put ... I could put strychnine in the guacamole.”
Nobody likes a whiner. You know you're not really going to quit and you're not poisoning the nachos. So just stop yammerin' about it.
You never know where Life will hand you a valuable lesson. It could be that time Ferris Bueller ate pancreas. Maybe it was the Beastie Boys urging you to fight for your right to party. Or maybe it was Bart Simpson never getting suckered into doing any actual work. But when it comes to the world of MMOs, it's hard to beat Office Space:
Lesson 1:
“Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler.”
Staplers are important. That first green sword you got, that first phat purple drop: those things are hard to let go of. Sure, they end up cluttering your bank account, taking valuable space, useless. It's OK.
Lesson 2:
“I do want to express myself, okay. And I don't need 37 pieces of flair to do it.”
By all means, you should express yourself. But do you really need to dye all your Guild Wars armor black? I mean, sure, it's pretty. But maybe you could find something a little more constructive to do?
Lesson 3:
"Sounds like someone's got a case of the Mondays!"
There will be days when the grind is just too much to bear; when you know you should be out there working your Shaman up to 70, but you just... can't... face it. That's when you need to head to Chotchkies and get a cup of coffee. Go someplace that makes you feel happy. Maybe the auction house. Maybe an instance you've long since mastered. Maybe a little one-on-one Dark Age of Camelot dueling. Give up the grind for a day. Tuesday always comes.
Lesson 4:
“We're putting new cover sheets on all the TPS reports before they go out now. So if you could go ahead and try to remember to do that from now on, that'd be great. All right?”
Do not run a guild, or even be in charge of loot distribution on a little random pickup slaughter. If you fail to credit Thorgeir the Destroyer for last night's raid, you know you'll never hear the end of it.
Lesson 5:
“No, not again. I... why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to God, one of these days, I just kick this piece of &*^^%# out the window.”
Bad bugs happen to good people, but don't take it out on your computer. Explore some other pointless-yet-satisfying violent crime, like mime-punching.
Lesson 6:
"You haven't been showing up, and you get to keep your job!”
“Actually, I'm being promoted.”
Nerfs come with the territory, but it's a two way street. Sometimes your kick ass Paladin ends up filing paperwork. Other times, you take a week off and come back buffed-up and putting Conan to shame.
Lesson 7:
“We're gonna need to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage B. We have some new people coming in, and we need all the space we can get.”
You joined your server, way back when, because it's where all the cool kids hung out. You never dreamed you'd have to wait in line to play on a Friday night. Now you're sitting there, watching numbers count down, wondering if the raid will start without you. Either suck it up, or move to the basement. Start all over or pay for a server move.
Lesson 8:
“I'll take my traveler's checks to a competing resort. I could write a letter to your board of tourism and I could have this place condemned. I could put ... I could put strychnine in the guacamole.”
Nobody likes a whiner. You know you're not really going to quit and you're not poisoning the nachos. So just stop yammerin' about it.
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